Looking Back Chapter 5
by Erin05
Summary: Josie talks about the problems of her life.


Rating: PG-13, may get a little less clean though  
Classification: Other, this is not really a romance, though it might turn into one  
Distribution: Anywhere, just let me know.  
Disclaimer: The charectors that were created by Kevin Williamson are not mine. Neither are the lyrics that I might have added to the story.  
Note: Just pretend that the events of season 1, 2, and 3 happened during the gang's 8th and 9th grade year.  
Feedback:Please give me some!Email me at dramaclub01@hotmail.com  
  
Chapter 5   
  
  
She sits at the window   
Been a long time since she's cried   
Tears called ....tumbling down   
She's afraid it's too late   
She steps out on the porch   
Takes a minute from her day   
To listen what the wind would say   
She was carefree like the children are today   
She's afraid it's too late   
When she was a child   
With such awe, each flower she did hold   
And she...the grass beneath her feet   
How she hated things that were already late   
They took away her laughter   
She's afraid it's too late   
She takes one last moment  
She's afraid it's too late   
  
  
Bessie eyed her kid sister as she sauntered into the kitchen.   
  
  
What she saw frightened her.It wasn't as noticiable as yesterday, but in a thin cotton shirt and a pair of shorts, her body looked emanciated. Bessie dropped the plate she was holding. "Ohmigod, Josie! What have you done to yourself?"   
  
  
Josie looked down at her body and shrugged. "I've been on a diet that went a little too far."   
  
  
"I'll say! You don't look like you could weigh more than 100 pounds! I want you to go up to the bathroom and weigh yourself! You obviously don't have ANY clue just how thin you are."   
  
  
Josie rolled her eyes at Bessie's hysterics, but she did as she said. Slowly, she walked up the stairs to the bathroom, then shut the door behind her. She stalked toward the scale and stepped on it.   
  
  
95 pounds, Josie read with dull surprise. The last time she had weighed herself, about 2 weeks ago, her weight had been 105 pounds. She supposed she should be a little concerned, but she really wasn't. After her pregnancy with Autumn-Summer, her weight had just stabilized at one hundered and twenty-five and didn't go down to her customary 105. She had worked very hard to get that weight off, but after awhile she didn't have to. Her busy life took care of her weight for her.   
  
  
"Well?" a waiting Bessie asked her in the kitchen.   
  
  
"I'm 95 pounds," Josie said simply.   
  
  
The color drained from her sister's cheeks. She grabbed Josie's arm, pulled her to the kitchen table, and sat her down. "Josie, what have you been doing to yourself? You slept until ten even though you went to bed at seven. Now you have become a walking skeleton. If there's something wrong, TELL ME."   
  
  
"I, well, I-" Josie's voice caught. She cleared her throat. "Bessie, you have no idea what my life is like."   
  
  
"Come on, just tell me what's wrong. Why does a 5'8" girl weigh 95 pounds? I mean, it's like you're Twiggy or something. Are you purposely starving yourself?"Bessie asked, concerned.  
  
  
Josie shook her head. "No, it's not like that, Bessie. I don't eat much, but the reason why is that I just don't have the time. My schedule is very demanding, and I feel like I'm being pulled into a thousand directions."  
  
  
"Why do you feel that way?"  
  
  
"My life... it's just so sectioned. During the week, I'm this rich housewife. I have to put on a fake smile to be an entertaining hostess to all of Reeve's clients. I organize events at the country club, and I'm the perfect mother to my children. It's so draining that shopping and going to lavish spas with my friends is pretty much the only fun I have. Guess that's why I've grown to really love money and materials. I can't imagine not being rich. That's become who I am. I'm one of Beautiful People."   
  
  
"Well, I don't have to be rich to be happy, Josie, and neither do you," Bessie told her, putting her hand on Josie's.   
  
  
Josie sighed. "At one time, I didn't need to either. But I've become so dependant on having lots and lots of money. Reeve brought me into his world, and there was no going back."   
  
  
"Do you love Reeve?" Bessie asked quietly.   
  
  
"How can you ask that?! Of course I love Reeve! He's so kind, and he's so smart, and he's so funny. He treats me like a princess and he tries to be the best father and husband even though he has all those business trips. He ADORES me, and I adore him. Reeve gives me so much; my life would have been nothing if we hadn't met. He gave me my children,Bessie. He gave me my entire life. He is my true soulmate. I love him."   
  
  
"Really. Seems to me that you love what he does for you, not him. I've seen you two together, and you go through all the motions, but it looks so fake. Certaintly not like Dawson or with Pacey."Bessie commented.   
  
  
"No, you're wrong," Josie insisted. "Anyway, back to what I am saying, during the week my life is pretty and pampered. I have everything. Then during the weekend, I become a self-sacrificing woman who has built an incredible domestic abuse charity. I work so hard at it, Bessie. I've seen so many horrible things happen to so many good people. Hell, I wrecked my back when I was helping a woman get away from her abusive husband. Trust me, being pushed down the stairs by an angry 250-pound man hurts like a bitch. And then during the summer I'm this missionary gal who selflessly aids all in the less fortunate lands. I mean, you saw the documentary I did that won me and my group a Oscar."   
  
  
Bessie remembered the wonderful documentary. "It was called "Hell During The Summer Of '04", right? God, I really can't believe what you had to have gone through to film that documentary. I mean, you held a village girl as she died, and you talked to a Indian woman who's husband threw acid on her face. And then there was that one scene where you locked yourself in your Jeep, refused to come out, and cry your eyes out. God, how did you do it?"  
  
  
"It really does get unpleasant, especially when I get really gritty. I'm turning only 24 in a few days. Most 24-year olds still have some semblance of a care-free life. I don't. I'm completely tied down now. Most 24-year olds are still young. I'm not. I feel like I'm 50 years old. For god's sake, my idea of fun is buying clothing from the most expensive places and getting rubbed down by some 18-year old at a spa. It's so pathetic. I've become like this formal robot that does everything that I'm supposed to."   
  
  
"I know that feeling, Josie. I mean, I was your age when I had Alex, and I was only 20 when I had to become your guardian," Bessie said sympathically. "Well, why don't you consider taking it easy?"   
  
  
"I can't, Bessie. If I lose the steam I'm getting, I won't win the Nobel Peace Prize in ten years. Many people say I have a great chance of winning if I just keep doing what I'm doing for 10 more years. I mean, I've already won so many humanitarian awards."   
  
  
"If you keep doing what you're doing, you won't be ALIVE in 10 years, Josie. Why do you need to win it so badly? Is some stupid reward worth your LIFE?" Bessie demanded.   
  
  
A small sob escaped Josie's throat. "You just don't understand, Bessie. You're not from the same society I am. You don't understand the overwhelming pressure there is to be the most impressive. It's such a horrible cat fight, and I have gotten into it. I HATE having to go along with what my friends say or buying so much crap just because that's the only time I'm happy, but I'm too scared to do it differently. So I've completely devoted myself to the three parts of my life. I'm the pampered southern California house wife, the social worker, and the missionary. It's so hard to keep up with my roles, but I need them."   
  
  
"WHY?"   
  
  
" Cause if I'm not Josie Sheridan, the perfect wife of Reeve Sheridan and mother of two that puts superwoman to shame, then who am I? I'm just nothing. Just that trivial girl from the wrong side of the creek." Tears began to flow down Josie's cheeks.   
  
  
"Oh, Josie," Bessie rubbed her her hand comfortingly.   
  
  
Josie hurriedly wiped her face. "Please, just don't push this, okay? I came here to see Jack and hopefully see him survive, not become enlightened in my spirit and my lifestlye or whatever. Which reminds me, I really want to visit him at the hospital now. God, I'm so glad I rented the BMW."   
  
  
"Sure, Josie," Bessie assured her. Then her eyes widened. "Uh, hi," she said to someone behind Josie.   
  
  
Josie twisted around to see the person her sister had greeted.   
  
  
His 6'2" frame took up the doorway. His blue eyes darted to Josie. He ran his hand nervously through his short brown hair. His posture was ramrod-straight.   
  
  
It was none other than Pacey Witter   
  
October 6,1997   
2:25 P.M.   
  
  
It was a beautiful early fall day. Pacey and Andie had come up to her during lunch and told her they wanted to meet her in the courtyard after school. She hadn't, in a million years, expected this.   
  
  
"You two SLEPT together at Jen's party?" Joey said, seething.   
  
  
Pacey nodded while Andie burst into tears.   
  
  
"How can you DO this to me?" Joey yelled.   
  
  
"I'm so sorry, Potter. Andie and I just had a little too many Roman Cokes and before we knew we were..."   
  
"Screwing each other senseless?" Joey interupted,her voice full of venom.   
  
Andie began to speak. "We just couldn't live with ourselves if we didn't tell you. Let me tell you, it-"   
  
  
"Meant nothing?"   
  
  
"Yeah!" Andie agreed.   
  
  
"Was just a mistake?" Joey continued, an unreadable expression on her   
  
face.   
  
  
"Exactly!" Pacey said eagerly.   
  
  
"You'll never do it again?"   
  
  
Pacey and Andie nodded their heads in unison.   
  
  
"Bullshit, Pacey. And screw you, Andie. God, I just can't figure you out. You were my friend, Andie. Pacey, I thought you loved me!" Joey said hysterically.   
  
  
"I do love you!" Pacey argued.   
  
  
"Sleeping with your ex-girlfriend is a real great way of showing it, Pace,"Joey said sarcastically," God, I feel like such an utter fool."   
  
  
"Please, Joey, just tell us how we can make it up!" Andie begged.   
  
  
Through clenched teeth, Joey spoke. "Andie, you certaintly have a lot to be sorry for. First, you cheat on your faithful boyfriend after all you two went through. I mean, he loved you so much, and he did everything he could possibly do for you. Pacey was DEVASTATED after he found out about your little affair in the mental ward B.Then you treat me like dirt after everyone found out about us, even though you already knew deep down that we were going to get together! Remember Valentine's, when you said that I was acting exactly like the way you did before you fell in love with Pacey? But of course, you decided to reject reality by turning into this spiteful little bitch and turning your back on me and making sure that I couldn't even sit with Jack in the cafeteria. Hey, I guess you finally got what you wanted, right?"   
  
  
"Joey-"Andie began.  
  
  
Joey slapped Andie hard across the face. Andie looked up at Joey, her mouth open, totally shocked. "Don't ever talk to me again, Andie! You were supposed to be my best friend, and then you fornicate with MY boyfriend! I will never forgive you!" Then she glared at Pacey. "You really screwed up this time, Witter. I don't want to speak to you, or look at you, or even exist on the same planet as you. We were together 6 months, and you threw it down the drain! Or should I say the bottle, as always. I should have never gone out with you. Nice to know who my friends aren't."   
  
  
"Come on, Joey, just give me another chance!" Pacey urged.   
  
  
Joey flicked a strand of her hair as a sign of rejection. "Goodbye, Pacey. Hope you and Andie have a great life together."   
  
  
Joey walked away from them, taking long and angry strides. Once she was out of their sight, tears begin to fall down her face.  
  
  
Andie and Pacey shifted uncomfortably, unable to look at each other.   
  
Hey now, hey now   
Don't dream it's over   
Hey now, hey now   
When the world comes in   
They come, they come   
To build a wall between us   
We know they won't win   
Hey now, hey now   
Don't dream it's over   
Hey now, hey now   
When the world comes in   
We know they won't win   
Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum   
And I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart   
Hey now, hey now   
Don't dream it's over   
  
So,what did you think?   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
